Articles by Kazakh Free Press

Pirkanmaa commander Haapanen has been sacked

Confirmed sources say that Pirkanmaa commander Mika Haapanen has been sacked. Sources say that the several scandals caused by Pirkanmaa have pressured the government of Pirkanmaa to terminate commander Haapanen. This comes as no surprise…


Uusimaa denies contact with civilians

Kazakh Free Press has managed to interview Uusimaa commander Jesse Suokas about the alleged shooting of a civilian. “We do not currently have any troops deployed near civilian activities. Our forces aim to gain the…


Mysterious markings found in the woods

A concerned mushroom picking civilian has contacted Kazakh Free Press and provided us with photos about weird and brightly colored markings on trees. Are these somehow related to the tests allegedly performed by Pirkanmaa? Kazakh…


Illegal deforestation detected in Padasjoki

Satellite imagery confirms that illegal deforestation is happening within areas controlled by Pirkanmaa. “They are evidently trying to hide the fact that they have contaminated large forested areas as well as water bodies within the…


Pirkanmaa main culprit for contamination

Experts within the Radiation Safety Bureau have confirmed that the source of the contamination within the Padasjoki region originate from areas controlled by Pirkanmaa. Radiology expert Donald Obama says efforts to contact Pirkanmaa military command…


Mystery about power outage resolved?

Rumors within the village about the power outage are finally getting at least partial confirmation. Our confidential source deep within the Pirkanmaa administration has confirmed that Pirkanmaa is behind the power outage! He has informed…



Final warning for Pirkanmaa

Uusimaa commander Jesse Suokas has issued a last and final warning for Pirkanmaa troops to withdraw from the power line. If the current operations by Pirkanmaa do not cease, Uusimaa will retaliate with full force….


Rising tensions at current cease-fire line

There have been numerous rumors about rising tensions and stray shots being fired by Pirkanmaa at the temporary cease-fire line, currently set at the power line crossing Padasjoki. Uusimaa commanders are worried that if Pirkanmaa…